Rest …

Sunday was a long day.  My typical Sunday isn’t too rigorous by any stretch:

• Arrive at the school around 7ish
• Pull out and help set up the sound equipment for church service
• Head over to Publix to pick up donuts, juice, etc. for set up crew and Kids’ Ministry meeting
• Try to find about 45 minutes to pray/study for the morning
• Pray with the A:2 Teams (ministry teams) before people show up
• Do my thing in the worship service
• Hang out with people
• Grab lunch

Like I said, not too rough of a schedule.  this past Sunday our monthly “Gathering” took form as the church picnic out near our house.  I got home from church, grabbed Indy (the dog), and headed to the picnic.  And then I ate … a lot.

It is amazing how much talking to people and eating copious amounts of food can wear a person down!

By the time we were finished I had a headache, my head was stuffy from a cold, my family was exhausted … even Indy was wiped out!

I took 2 Tylenol PMs to “help” get me through the night.

Then Monday came – and it came with a fury.

As the day wore on I kept feeling like I was trying to walk through jello.  Everything around me seemed to be moving at a much faster pace than I was able to process.  I felt like my computer must feel when I am trying to do 4 things at the same time on it.  (You know, when it takes 30 seconds for a window to minimize or when you type a sentence and nothing happens and then out of nowhere the words fly across the screen catching up to your fingers.)  I just couldn’t keep up.

I tried to.  I tried reading.  I tried talking to the staff.  I tried caffeine.  I tried Halloween candy.  I tried to “get into the routine” of a normal Monday.  I really did try!

At 2:30 or so I headed over to pick up Avery from school.  Sometimes I go a bit early and sit in the pick-up line for a while to read until they let her out at 3:30.  Yesterday instead of waiting in line I drove over to The Church of the Cross on Calhoun Street in Old Bluffton.  The church was established in 1771 and the current structure was built in 1854.  It’s beautiful.  And peaceful.

I sat outside the church overlooking the bluff and took several deep breaths.

Then I fell asleep.

I’m not sure how long I was out, but I know my neck hurt from all of the “head bobs.”

And I had one very simple, yet very profound thought.  Rest.

“Are you tired?  Worn out?  Burned out on religion?  Come to me.  Get away with me and you’ll recover your life.  I’ll show you how to take a real rest.  Walk with me and work with me – watch how I do it.  Learn the unforced rhythms of grace.  I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you.  Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly”
- Matthew 11:28-30 (The Message)

Recover your life.
Unforced rhythms of grace.
Live freely and lightly.

Sounds good to me.  Sound good to you?

The next time your day or your life is getting away from you I pray that this simple thought will come to your mind.

Rest.  In Christ.  And Recover.  Your Life.

Lacking

I have been struggling lately.  I don’t know why, but when I look at my journal pages, I want to write, but I’ve got nothing.  I pick up a book to start reading and while my hands turn the pages and highlight the words, I don’t remember anything that I read.  When I hear worship songs lately I hear the words and sense the emotion, but I feel … to be honest … nothing.

What’s going on?

I seem to have fallen into this sense of lethargy.  Have you ever felt that way.

Tired.

Not from a lack of sleep, but definitely from a lack of something.  A lack of heart.  A lack of passion.  A lack of interest.  A lack of motivation.  A lack of intention, or desire, or energy.

You know, just a lacking …

At Live Oak we are wrapping up the One Month to Live study and I have found myself riveted by the thought, “How would I live my life differently if I lived like I only had one month left to live?’

I wouldn’t be lacking, I can tell you that!

But here I am, knowing that I need to live NOW, but wanting to do it later!

Maybe it’s the fall weather.  Maybe it’s the chest cold I’m battling.  Maybe it’s just a lack of deep, peaceful rest.

Here’s the irony.  In this lethargy, this lacking that I’m struggling with, what I need the most, is to be still, without distraction, and listen to the heart of God.  I need to press my ear to his chest and rediscover his rhythm.  I need to fill the “lacking” in my heart with the beating of his.

This may seem like a strange blog, but its what is on my heart today.  Sometimes I get preachy and other times I try to be challenging.  Today I think I’m just supposed to encouraging.  I pray that anyone reading this will take the time to be still, rediscover God’s pulse in their life, and live it now … lacking nothing.

Minutia

Sometimes I just don’t get it.  No matter how hard I try.

Have you ever had an amazing thing happen in your life?  You know, the kind of event that “changes” you?  The kind of event that makes you take inventory of your life and assess where you are and what you’re doing?  The kind of event that leaves you inspired to make changes, do things different, and never go back to the way it was?

The Afters have a song entitled “Never Going Back to O.K.”  Ever felt like that?

This amazing, life-altering, heart-changing, direction-focusing thing happens, and you promise, you swear, you VOW that you are going to make changes …

“I’m going to stop doing this …”
“I’m going to quite doing that …”
“I’m going to make sure that I do more of …”
“I need to make sure to do less of …”

You know what I mean?

How long did it last?  Seriously.  How long before you started doing what you were going to stop?  How long before you quite doing what you said you were never going to stop doing?  How long before you started doing more of what you were going to do less of, and started doing less of what you were going to do more of?

How long?

I totally understand Paul’s comments about always doing what he didn’t want to do instead of doing what he was supposed to do, but wasn’t doing.  I get it.  I understand it.

And I hate it.

I hate that God opened my eyes and heart to a different reality of His work and plan and less than a week later I feel myself being sucked back into the minutia of … following Him.

Hear me correctly, I am struggling with following Him.  That’s right.  I’m a pastor and I’m struggling with following Jesus.

Don’t blame Him; it’s not the Leader’s fault.

Why do we make things so hard?  Why does the “church” confuse everything?  Why do we make following Jesus so difficult?  We take something as simple as “drop your nets, and follow me,” and twist it into a list of expectations, rules, doctrines, insinuations, and allusions.  We make following Jesus harder than it already is!

Jesus said that following Him would cost us everything, and yet we (Christians) tend to make it even harder!

I know this is a tired thought, but why can’t we make following Jesus all about following Jesus and less about “building” a church?  Why can’t being His disciple be more about Him and less about our “spiritual growth?”  If we all did our best to follow Him, wouldn’t we BE building the Church?  Wouldn’t we BE the Church that’s being built?

Doesn’t my “growth” result from passionately following Him, not from trying to be more “like” Him?  Instead of trying to be LIKE Jesus shouldn’t I just want to BE Him?  His likeness?  His reflection?  His image?

Should the goal be for people to say, “I see Jesus,” – emphasis on HIM, instead of saying, “You look like Jesus,” – emphasis on US?

Why the rant today?  Because I’m tired.  I’m exhausted with all of the frustrations of serving in the church today.  I’m tired of hearing people say things like,

“Why can’t the music be turned down?”
“Why are people wearing shorts at church?”
“Why aren’t there more studies for me to grow?”
“Why can’t we sing more hymns?”
“Why aren’t we hearing more of the Bible?”
“Why can’t we hear less of the Bible and more practical stuff?”

And I’m frustrated that I am not strong enough or passionate enough or following Him hard enough to not get sucked into it all.

It isn’t the leader’s fault, it’s the follower’s fault – the followers plural, and the follower singular.

It’s my fault.  So …

• Today I long to leave the road of “self” and return to the path of following Jesus.
• Today my desire is to stop thinking about appeasing Christians and start thinking about pleasing Christ.
• Today my heart cries out to be a follower and not a leader.
• Today my deepest passions are for serving better and loving harder in place of “trying to grow.”
• Today I want to be more about being a disciple of Christ instead of being a pastor in a church.
• Today I want to see past the minutia of ministry and see the beauty of following Jesus.

Today I just want to be a little boy following in the big steps of my Savior.

Don’t you?